Female Dr. Phil I Am Not!


As the title states, a female Dr. Phil I am not. Good God no! And while I think Dr. Phil serves a purpose, it is not for the reasons most people consider nowadays. It seems to me he became an overnight success simply because he was a no bullshit kind of guy. Meaning, he was either telling us what we did not know but should have known or what we already knew but were ignoring. There is a certain value on being "called out" on something and it didn't hurt that it was on prime-time television!

​The only comparison (I think) I have to Dr. Phil is that I am also a no bullshit kind of person. It has been no secret to me throughout my lifetime, and certainly has on occasion caused me some angst, knowing that people either really liked me or they really really did not. I have been called strong-willed and head strong by my mom for as long as I can remember. Tell me I can't do something, and I'll prove you wrong. I have never believed in gender casting; you know, boys are better at math and science than girls. Hell, I gave Sister Agnes Cecilia a run for her money on that one. Even in death, that poor lady would probably still want to make me write on the chalk board for being insubordinate!

​As far as causing me angst, I have been called a bitch and a snob off and on throughout my entire lifetime, which has really affected me deeply at times. Allfor being who I am. Who I am is what I will tell you, either verbally or through my actions, when I meet you. I promise to be honest. But I also promise to have only your best interest in mind. I am a person of principal and have walked away from many jobs and relationships simply because they were not right or did not "feel" right to me. I can be reserved, especially when I'm trying to listen, which I guess could give me an air of being a "snob". I have a soft heart, deep feelings and am not always as confident on the inside as I appear to be on the outside. And, I have no problem sharing how I feel with anyone. From a VIP to a homeless person.

​I have never claimed to be perfect. Though so many people have said I have the perfect life which cracks me up. My life has been far from perfect! I have made many mistakes, most of which I look back upon now with fond memories, however! I am a sum of all my imperfect parts, and at 49 I am just now starting to embrace them (the imperfect parts). And that is a work in progress. I have the mouth of a sailor which I am ALWAYS trying to keep in check. Usually not very successfully. Coming from the life of hard knocks, having a sailor's mouth has allowed me to develop a skill that few other probably have. I am a fine connoisseur of soap! (In my opinion, Avon perfumed soaps are the worst!) But that mouth is troublesome. Many people are really put off by it.

​I have been told so many times in my life that I am a strong woman. I am not even sure what that means. Really. I don’t. I have had so many terrible things happen in my life, many I have never shared with others. The worst thing I have ever experienced I did share with others, and that was the death my 11-year old daughter. I cannot figure out for the life of me, how surviving her death makes me a strong person. Simply, it makes me a survivor, like everyone else. Would anyone believe it was me if they saw me huddled in the dark corner of my closet to escape the reality of terrible days? Because believe me, I know that corner well.

​There have been so many men who immediately did not like me and did not want to go on a second date - too smart, too strong willed, too independent, too opinionated would be the response given - if any. But, an equal number of men liked me because of those traits. And that goes for my husband of 20 years. We are friends in marriage and we were friends before marriage. And he tells me he loves me for all those reasons (though I am sure he has wanted to punch me for exactly those same reasons as well! Haha)

​But I digress. Back on point, my similarity to Dr. Phil is this. Like Dr. Phil, I think we all know the answers to our own challenges, to our own misgivings and malfunctions, and lack of direction, but need someone to be honest and help re-direct us to where we notice those things and their solutions for ourselves! I think we all know the answers but they just sometimes get caught up in the clutter in our minds and in our lives. Sometimes we need someone to help us re-align ourselves with our values, you know, those things that make us unique, that give our life direction and define who we are.

​Recognizing these characteristics in myself has helped me to understand my life's calling. I can help people wade through all the things clogging up their minds, help them make sense of them, organize and prioritize them, and help them get on the path to rediscovering what they have always known but have gotten sidetracked from doing. As for Dr. Phil, I am that no bullshit kind of guy and I have no desire to waste your time. So if you are looking for that transcendental touchy feel kind of person, I'm probably not for you. But what I can promise you is that I will always be honest with you, I will listen to what you are saying and always keep your best interest as a priority. As far as my 15 minutes of fame, I've already been on TV - it's not all it's cracked up to be!

Ursula Neal

Ursula is a grief coach for mothers who have lost children helping them to move from crappy to happy again. She is also a personal growth strategist helping individuals reach their goals. She may be reached at 602-400-4423 or ursula@CompassReset.com. Facebook Google+

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