So What’s Up With Bitterness?


So, I had the recent luxury of a two-day ride-a-long with someone I dearly love, but to say it was a totally great time would simply be a lie. Now, do not get me wrong, there were moments when this person reigned themselves in, but normally, "reigning themselves in" is not in their vocabulary. This act is not exclusive to ride-a-longs, but it is ever present when you are held hostage to it! But, the bitterness and negativity that plagued this car ride seemed to suck the life out of me!

So in moments when I feigned sleep, I actually fell into deep contemplation about what could make a person feel so bitter that that bitterness would consume their life and spill over into the lives of others? Was it nature vs nurture, growing up with or without, with a father or without, perfect love vs imperfect love, olden days vs modern times, education or lack thereof, having a dream and living it or having a dream and not living it, or perhaps having no dreams whatsoever? Or, is it sheer genetics - are we just born to be who we are? Could this person really have no say so in it? Proponents of free will and nature vs nurture would say that is bologna - that we always have a choice. But seriously, I wonder, why would a person choose to live a life mostly devoid of joy-or what seems devoid of joy to most of us? Do they get some mal-aligned kind of joy out of being negative and seeing others around them suffer? You know the kind of suffering I am speaking about. The suffering where you see the devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, with you in the middle, weighing if this is a battle you should choose to fight or let go this time around.

Now, I believe we are a sum of all the good and bad parts of our lives. If there is no victim posturing, we know that. Though sometimes it seems simply impossible not to say, "why did this happen to me?" But what makes an individual choose to not be a victim? Is it even a choice? After any crime perpetrated against the self, all of us are in the same boat. Why do some people therefore go on to help others and be the voice of change, while others go on to either being perpetrators of the same kinds of crimes or go within and become bitter?

I wonder, what really stopped this person from acknowledging and embracing the life of plenty, because for certain this person has known a "life of plenty" for far longer than the period of time they experienced "life without". What prevents a person from embracing change for the better while at the same time dissing others for doing the same damned thing? Why don't they ever see a comparison between themselves and others around them? Why, when confronted, do they feign innocence or get away with it by simply stating , "I can't help myself. I feel the need to tell people what I think, even if it hurts their feelings. If I don't tell them who will?" (Implying what they think might be even remotely correct and if it is, that that person does not already know it!)

After deep medication meditation!, I think I may have inadvertently stumbled upon the answer. They are grown up spoiled brats who have gotten away with bad behavior their whole lives! Maybe the better question is, "if a person grows up being nurtured and indulged, is the nature of what is being indulged really the source of the problem?"

Ursula Neal

Ursula is a grief coach for mothers who have lost children helping them to move from crappy to happy again. She is also a personal growth strategist helping individuals reach their goals. She may be reached at 602-400-4423 or Facebook Google+

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